DARK TALES FROM “THE VET” REAL AZZ WHOOPINGS THAT TOOK PLACE AT PHILA’S FAMED VETERANS STADIUM
WE HERE AT Abefinklestein.com are always in search of new ways to engage the reader, So in our quest to intrigue our readers we searched and searched throughout the Sports World and finally we ran into none other than North Philadelphia’s Odessa Turner.
An olehead whose seen it all in his years and had plenty of 100% Real war stories to tell about Phila’s famed Veteran Stadium,Real stories about mouthy out of town fans who basically found out that Phila Eagles fans don’t play that! He told us so many stories of Eagles fans whipping people azzes that we decided to share them with you guys our beloved readers.
But to start off with a twist we asked Odessa is there a story of a rare instance when an Eagles fan got their azz whipped at the vet? Why yes he replied and we said ” that’s the story were gonna start with! So here it is folks! Take it away Odessa! And remember folks this is a real story.
The year was 1988. The location 700 level, Veterans Stadium. The combatants James “Wilky” Johnson and Robert “Kielbasa” Polaski. The story… In the days of Veteran Stadium the one cardinal rule was never to wear another teams jersey in the 700 level.
This day James “Wilky” Johnson violated that creed. October 10th 1988 Monday Night Football against the Giants the 700 level would become witness to perhaps the greatest azz whooping the Vet would ever know.
Let’s start at the beginning. James “Wilky” Johnson entered the stadium with a Harry Carson Giants jersey on. That infraction caught the eye of Robert “Kielbasa” Polaski. The banter began. “What happened? You’re mutha get banged by Carson? Freakin losa!”
The first salvo was fired by Polaski. “Who’s this clown?” Polaski fired another shot. Trying to ignore the insult, James gritted his teeth as his blood began to boil.
“Hey, Carson?” Yelled Polaski, “Why don’t you tell ya mama to sack these nuts? Fully enraged “Wilky” Johnson went to the concessions to get a beer and walk off the anger. Upon his return “kielbaba” yelled, “Dat beer for ya pop? Cause dats the only way he could bang ya mutha…Drunk!” “Wilky” leaned to his wife and whispered, “One more smart azz comment and I will beat him into a bowel movement.
Hey Carson?” As if on que, Kielbasa shouted, “What did you get a beer for? Shouldn’t ya gotten tea? Cause dats what ya mommy is use to men doing to her. Tea baggin.” Having enough James “Wilky” Johnson approached “Kielbasa.”
“Look man” I just came to see the game, You’ve been ragging me since I got here. I’m sitting with my wife. The disrespect has to end now,” Said “Wilky.” “The disrespect doesn’t end until I take ya wife into the bathroom stall and bleep some bleep down her throat! And With that the greatest Azz whoopin in the history of Veterans Stadium commenced!!
James “Wilky” Johnson stood at 6’4 300lbs. Robert “Kielbasa” Polaski stood at 5’8 230lbs. With his Javon Kearse like callused hands “Wilky” open-hand-humiliated slapped “Kielbasa” across the face! Immediately a molar and incisor tooth flew from “Kielbasa’s” mouth. By reflex Polaski went to cover his face.
But with his Medalark Lemon like hands, “Wilky” Johnson palmed him from the top of his head and ripped him from ripped him from his seat. Once standing “Kielbasa” threw a limp right punch towards “Wilky” Johnson. With his Johnny Bench like hands, “Wilky” caught the punch.
What happened next is a memory that the 700 level will never forget. For “Kielbasa” wore white jeans. And “Wilky” delivered a kidney punch that instantly evacuated “Kielbasa’s” bowels. Polaski yelped, “NOOOOO!” and cried like a baby.
As he passed gas so loud that to this day people at The Vet swear somebody was either shooting, playing drums or a car had backfired! “Kielbasa” then grabbed his behind and ran from the 700 level never to be seen again.
That day is known as the only day where the 700 level cheered for the a New York Giants Fan . And out of that event came the invention of the man cave where “Kielbasa” till this day hides. As told by Odessa Turner to:
Abe Finklestein
Tyrone Wisdom
Adayus Knight
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