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D7CB146C-F87E-45F9-9FD5-DBB4D37C8DC5 IT’S REALLY A SHAME THE CHEF CHARACTER ON SOUTH PARK HAD TO GO. And i’m tempted to say, life goes on, but cartoons are not real life, cartoon characters have endless lives, as a matter of fact they even wear the same clothes every episode. I believe the Simpsons have the dubious distinction of holding the  record, for wearing the same clothes for 25 years.

Cartoon Characters never die! ( except for Kenny and in this case, Chef ) Ok Southpark breaks that exception! Characters get murked out on this show pretty often, just for the sheer sake of laughter, and Chef was one of them. You gotta admit when that bridge broke and he fell violently to his death via catching on fire and bouncing head first down a mountain and landing with that classically overdone ” i”m dead! but I’m shocked face” we all died laughing!

And just like that Chef was gone! But! If they ever bring Chef back, ( R.I.P Isaac Hayes ) then here’s the perfect two guys to play him.  That’s why it was necessary to put this list together, so here it us!


NO. 1 – They Both Look Like Chef, i mean c’mon man this is like So obvious that even Caitlyn Jenners Gynecologist can see it!  And   With South Parks Simple style of Animation they wouldn’t even have to redraw Chef, they could just put Kimbo’s or Rozay’s head on the body.

NO. -2 – They Both Have Voices Like Da Cookie Monster – Rick Ross & Kimbo both sound like they gargle with rocks! When you’re at a Rick Ross Concert & he goes ” Ugh” he’s really tryin to clear the rocks out his throat, either that or he’s passing gas real hard & trying to cover it up! And as for Kimbo’s voice, it’s afraid to be itself!…….  so it just pretends to be raspy!…… To avoid dat azz whippin!…… ( don’t laugh! If you were kimbo’s voice you’d probably be b*tchin too!

NO. – 3 – They’re Both One Donut Away From Being Fat! ( just like chef ) – Rick Ross and Kimbo Slice like food! I mean all of it, the grits the eggs the bacon the chicken the waffles, pizza, burgers, ice cream, beef, pork & gravy and tofu & vegetables………….dipped in pork, beef & gravy. You name it, they’ll eat it! So these two will have no problem with the potentially endless supply of self depreciating fat jokes that will undoubtedly come their way.

NO. – 4 – Great Crossover Promo For South Park The Movie 2- If and when SPTM2 comes out ( personally i think it will ?? ) having Ross And Kimbo fight over who gets to play Chef, would be consistent with South Parks Signature style of mashing up reality with fantasy and breaking the fourth wall with the subtleness of Donald Trump at a Gun Control Debate!

( Or!…… Caitlyn Jenners Gynecologist!……. Oh!!!………Sue me! )

Crossover would be awesome as between the two there’s always a CD or a fight to promote. Maybe Kimbo could fight Kenny and Kenny Wins while Kimbo gets killed! It would be fitting, seeing as though MMA Athletes like Kimbo practically killed boxing!

NO. -5 – Um…… I “really”don’t have a No. 4…………but, were even, cause if your reading this post then chances are you probably………………….” really” don’t have a life.

Oh you do?
Ok then can you tell me in specific detail just exactly how Chef died?
Oh You can?
See! Told Ya!

The Real NO. – 5 – You will watch anything South Park puts out! And guess what? So will I, cause were all Huge Stans! No need to expound on this as the truth is best stated with simplicity.

Btw did i mention i can tell you in specific detail just exactly how Chef died? ( apparently its only wrong if you do it! Not me. )

Abe Finklestein
Sports Humour


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