ON MONDAY APRIL 20th 4/20 2015 Mandy ” MANBACK” Wilson made history by becoming the 1st fat woman to ever touch her toes! Yes she did it! Despite the fact that she pulled a muscle, fractured a rib and dislocated her hip socket she did it! She showed the world that fat girls can do whatever they want and also be roll models oops we mean role models. Mandy is an inspiration to a generation of fat women everywhere as she gives them hope courage and pride! Mandy was on a mission that day says her Instructor Frank ” boy testicles” Mancini, she did 5 push-ups, 4 sit- ups and a half jumping jack!
She definitely lost a few pounds that day and we’re all so proud of her for touching her toes even though when she did it she passed gas so loud that 4 black kids walking past the gym ducked for cover and started screaming ” they shootin they shootin” but never mind that she did good and this is a positive story that is mentally uplifting to the soul. And yes even though we’re a sports Humour mag and it’s our job to poke fun at people we have nothing bad to say about ole Mandy, as a matter of fact we wish her the best.
Yes this story ends positively with everyone happy and proud for Mandy’s accomplishment! Yes yes yes happy and positive! Never mind the fact that Mandy left the gym and drove straight to McDonald’s and got 3 Big Macs, 2 Qaurter Pounders 4 orders of fries and a large shake, she then went to Walmart to wash it down with a 3 liter Big Burpee soda with two Jumbo hot dogs and while she was there she grabbed a case of Doritos and a 30 pack of Twinkies and a pack of diet gum. She was later found passed out in her apartment covered in Twinkies and Dorito’s with Lil Johns ” turn down for what” playing in the background. The Paramedics reported that the room smelt like “FOTTS”! It was reported that they had to cut a whole in the wall just to get her out! But………. Told you we wouldn’t say nothin bad.