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The King of Sports HumourToday, Jeffrey Lurie, Chairman and CEO of the Philadelphia Eagles, released Head Coach Chip Kelly. “We appreciate all the contributions that Chip Kelly made and wish him every success going forward,” said Lurie. Coach Pat Shurmur will be interim head coach for Sunday’s game against the New York Giants. Ed Marynowitz, vice president of player personnel, was also released.

Tom Donahoe, former GM of the Buffalo Bills and director of football operations for the Pittsburgh Steelers and senior football advisor for the Eagles since 2012, will assume the role of senior director of player personnel. A press conference will be held Wednesday, December 30 at the NovaCare Complex at Noon with Lurie.

The Following info was released on The Phila Eagles website, we claim no ownership.

But Wait! Here is Jeffrey Lurie’s Original Draft of that letter in it’s entirety: Here’s what Jeffrey Really said!

“I have made a decision to kick Chip Kelly to da curb this evening. I spent the last three seasons saying to myself wtf? is this pudgy little midget doing to our team? As I watched this season unfold, I determined that this busta azz trick azz mark azz busta! aint know what da f**k he was doing and i was gonna eventually have to bust a cap n his fat Barney Rubble lookin lil azz”!

“As we move forward, we just gonna sit back and smoke a few blunts, take a couple of shots of Henny & then & only then the search for a new head coach will begin and will be led by myself, Don Smolenski and Howie “H to da Izzo” Roseman. To the extent that we are able, we will try to keep you informed as we go through this process”.

“Pat Shurmur my Ninja & right hand man throughout all dis sh*t will be our interim coach for the Giants game Sunday”.

We have also have told Ed Marynowitz, vice president of player personnel to step da f*ck off since he was ridin on Chips nutsack so much. Tom Donahoe, who has been our senior football advisor since 2012, will assume the role of senior director of player personnel.

“I am determined and excited to select a new coach to help us obtain our ultimate goal. Thank you for your consistent and enthusiastic support”.

Wow! See? This is why you come to our Website, cause we’re the only one that’ll bring you ” Over the top manufactured crap like this! I mean um… That fresh unique perspective.
Abe Finklestein
Sports Humour


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