(Unassociated Press) Ugh ugh honey stop it! It is going down something fierce in the Rice household today as my sources (my cousin and dem) said RAY RICE has kicked JANAY RICE out the house and proposed to his longtime secret boo pictured above. This info is from a very credible source (no its not) you can trust us (no you cant) anyway our sources say RAY simply got tired of all that lovely chocolate goodness and all those lovely bubbles and decided to trade all that in for some white pasty cheese biscuits in a banana. We hope they’re happy. They plan to exchange vows in a casino elevator.
This article was written as satire for entertainment purposes only.