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NELSON AGHOLOR: LAUNCHES “DROPPED PASSES MATTER” CAMPAIGN!

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Nelson Agholor Is Playing The Race Card! And Very Well Too! With all the hub bub about Trump winning The Election for President,  and the resulting Violent Protests that ensued & still continue, Nelson, after a long discussion with Rev. Al Sharpton has decided to Ride The Race Train!

You see Nelson has disappointed many Eagles Fans by continually dropping passes! Not just a few but many! It’s bad, there are reports that even his own family, including his beautiful mother Agatha Augustus Agholor, better known affectionately as Triple A, are now betting against him and laying odds on how many passes he’ll drop in a game.

But Instead of Nelson admitting that he’s totally effin up! He chose to go the New School 2017 way! That is… Start a Campaign, throw the word “matter” in it, grab some like minded friends and Picket until………… Well i really don’t know what the results of picketing bring cause personally i’ve never seen picketing do a d*mn thing!

This is Nelson Agholors Mission Statement. :

——“Dropped Passes Matter” will ensure that every dropped pass will be seen not as a failure but as an opportunity for every ball & every child to know that being dropped is not a measure of ones character but a testimony to their inner resolve:——

When asked to explain just what the hell that meant, Nelson gave this answer
“It’s not about how much you get hit & how many balls you drop, its about getting up off that field so you can get hit again & drop more balls”!

The Campaign kicks off Thanksgiving Day! Where Agholor will meet with 150 University of Penn Students on The Steps of The Art Museum, where they’ll kick things off by crying about Trumps Victory, then after that they’ll cry about Hillary losing, then after that they’ll just cry……. because…… well…….
thats just the new thing now!

Finally Nelson and The Crying Penn Students will Historically March their way down The Parkway! All the while crying &  chanting “Dropped Passes Matter”!

Let me just say personally they wont make it two blocks without gettin they’re azzes whooped!Why?  Because it’s Philly! A place Where people beat you up just for saying “Good Morning”!

Besides, now that The Eagles have Signed W.R  Paul Turner, pretty soon Nelson will be Chanting a New Slogan!

“Dropped Azzes Matter”!

Abe Finklestein
Sports Humour

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